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So a boy, let’s call him, “Wayne”, hasn’t called me in two weeks.  He’s in Bastrop, and if I know Wayne, it’s time to check the jail again.

Ingredients:

2 4 oz chuck steaks, preferably pre-pounded and perforated

8 tbsp Kokuho Rose Rice Four

4 tbsp Glutino Bread Crumbs

1 egg

1/2 cup cup canola oil

pinch sea salt

For Gravy:

1/4 cup rice flour

1/2 cup almond milk

For Green Beans:

One handful frozen green beans, two if you think Wayne is going to bond out by dinnertime.

1/2 tsp powdered garlic

2 or 3 tablespoons of olive oil

Mood Music:

“Sisters of Mercy–Flood”  (No, his name’s not Wayne.)

Kitchen apparati:

2 plates

paper towels

slotted metal spoon

splatter screen

mid-sized cast iron pan

small glass bowl for the egg

larger glass bowl for the flour mixture

fork

kitchen timer

microwave with a “defrost” feature

tupperware, in case “Wayne” can’t make bail to by home by 5:30  (Chicken fried steak is pretty good cold, too.)

Take the chuck steaks out of the freezer.  Set them to defrost in your microwave according to the instructions.  (Sorry I can’t be more specific:  mine just has a button that says defrost.  I push the button and then squint at the label to put in the food weight.  Then I take out the dogs for their evening walk.  When I come back, whatever it is, usually, is defrosted.)

Fill the cast iron pan with canola oil to about 1/8 inch depth.  Turn your stove to medium.  Take the chuck steaks out of the microwave and throw away the packaging.  Put the steaks on a plate by themselves, and let the extra blood drain onto the plate. Wash your hands.  Measure out the flour, salt, and bread crumbs into the larger bowl.  Mix well.  Crack the egg and wonder how “Wayne” is doing in Bastrop.  Beat the egg in the smaller bowl with a fork.  Dip the steaks in the flour/bread crumb mixture and then in the egg, and back into the bread crumb mixture, making sure to get bread crumbs and eggs into all the meat crevices.  (It looks about as gross as it sounds.)  The canola oil should be heated by now.  Put the coated chuck steaks in the pan.  Put the splatter screen on top of the pan.  Turn the kitchen timer on with a twenty minute time.  Let each side cook about 6 minutes and then carefully flip the steak, using the slotted metal spoon.  (Be careful not to dislodge the coating–this is really just an egg/flour skin.)  After about fifteen minutes, put paper towels on a plate and take the chuck steaks out to drain. 

For the Gravy:

Stir the remaining drippings, add 1/2 cup flour and 1/4 cup almond milk.  Let cook another five minutes until slightly bubbly, stirring with the slotted spoon.  (Curse Wayne and his fifth DWI in the interim.)

Turn the stove heat to simmer.  Cook for three to five more minutes.  Sob quietly.

Put the chuck steak and gravy on a plate for each person, or into tupperware if that crooked judge set the bond too high today.  Take a handful (or two) of frozen green beans out of the freezer.  Turn the stove heat to about 40% and sprinkle liberally with garlic and olive oil.  Let the green beans defrost and simmer for about another 10-12 minutes. 

Wash the dishes, being careful to drain any blood away from work surfaces.  (Is it chuck steak drippings?  Is it Wayne’s?  I’ll never tell.)

Wash your hands carefully.  Take the green beans out of the pan and add to the plates.  Crack open a gluten free beer, like Redbridge.

Cost:  About $7.00 for two people and bail.